It’s the 90’s, and Jordan is locking in his GOAT status, Nintendo is creating a “Mario movement,” East Coast and West Coast rap are rivals, J.K. Rowling has invited many into the world of Harry Potter, Friends is dominating sitcoms, FUBU and wide-leg jeans are a thing, and Home Alone is re-creating every mother’s worst nightmare.

At that point in time, though, I actually don’t remember much of the above 90s trends. I was in the midst of a battle that I now look back on as a defining moment—a time when I began to form an identity that contributed to some significant battles I’ve been fighting for a long time, even as an adult.

You might ask, “What identity was being formed and created, and what battles are still being fought today?”

The Fat Kid Mentality.

I remember a handful of things from my childhood, but the memories that shaped my inner voice—the human, worldly voice, the enemy’s voice—are all tied to being made fun of for being fat.

From 4th to 7th grade, I was an overweight, chubby kid with glasses. I weighed around 170 pounds and stood about 5’7”. To put that in perspective, I’m 6’1” and 172 pounds now at 43.

I remember lying in bed at night, crying because I dreaded basketball practices and the possibility of being put on the “skins” team. We scrimmaged in practice, and the coach would go down the line saying, “Shirts… skins… shirts… skins…” One team would wear their shirts, and the other would go shirtless.

I was terrified. Every practice, I’d try to position myself strategically in line, hoping to land on the shirts team. Even with my 6th-grade wisdom for rigging the system, I ended up on the skins team many times. And it sucked.

The stress and worry of what others would say—whether to my face or behind my back—was unbearable.

It broke me.

I remember lying in bed at night, thinking to myself, Why can’t I be like the other guys with flat abs and normal bodies?

It broke me, even as a kid with no real understanding of what being “broken” meant.

The irony is, I was actually an exceptional athlete, even during that overweight period. I made All-Star teams in baseball every year and led every basketball team I was on in scoring.

But despite my athletic abilities, I still saw myself as the “fat kid,” someone who wasn’t worthy of much, except maybe a few trophies and pats on the back for winning games.

I’m sharing this because recounting these memories is part of the healing process I’m going through as a man now. I’ve realized over the years that many of my failures have stemmed from a lack of confidence.

They’ve come from not fully transitioning from that “fat kid” identity to the dangerous, confident man I was created to be—capable of anything I choose to do in partnership with my Creator.

Today, I’m a 43-year-old father, husband, leader, and man of God. And I still fight those scars from the past. But each day, I heal a little more. My hope is that someone out there reading this has been through something similar and can relate to my story.

So, how do you get your confidence back?

For me, it has been crucial to create a new way of living—a set of rules that keep me grounded in my identity and help build the confidence that I need. I believe these rules can help you gain more of the man God is calling you to be.

Here are the 3 rules that have transformed my life:

Rule #1: Never Lie

This one is straightforward, but let me explain. If I don’t want to do something, I say, “I don’t want to do it.”

In the past, I lacked the confidence to speak my truth, so I’d get caught in lies—small ones, but they still chipped away at my integrity. Every time you lie, no matter how small, you erode your confidence.

I’ve learned to be honest with myself and with others. If I mess up, I own it. No more creating fake narratives in my mind to avoid the truth. It’s simple: stop lying, immediately. You owe it to yourself.

Rule #2: Do What You Say You Will Do

How many times have you committed to something and not followed through? I used to do that all the time, and it chipped away at the core of who I was.

Each time you say you’ll do something and don’t, you reinforce the wrong version of yourself—the man who always falls short, who doesn’t follow through. Over time, that becomes a habit, and your mind starts to believe it’s who you are.

But if you do what you say you will do—consistently—you begin to build a dangerous “get-it-done” mindset. Your confidence grows because you’re a man of your word, and that’s powerful.

Remember, your kids are watching. Your spouse is watching. YOU are watching.

Rule #3: Do It Now

How often do you know something needs to be done, but you put it off? Procrastination kills confidence.

I’ve trained my brain to respond to tasks with a simple phrase: “Do it now.” Whether it’s taking out the trash, writing a memo, playing with my kids, or hitting the gym, the mantra is the same: Do it now.

Nike got it right—“Just do it.” But I add, “Do it now.”

Final Thoughts

I have no doubt that I follow more rules than these, and in the future, I will share them as an addition to this list. But these 3 are the building blocks that have kept things simple for me and my goals as a father, husband, leader, and man of God.

Now, I want you to close your eyes for a moment. Think about these 3 rules and ask yourself this question:

If I were to implement these 3 rules today, would my confidence be in a better place, or worse?

I have a ton of confidence that it would be in a better place… but that’s for you to inquire.

Next week I have memo 004 coming…

Memo 004 will be over the morning routine that’s changed everything for me.

As always, if this only helps one man step into a better version of himself, I’ve done the job I was called to do…

P.S. I would have a complete sense of gratitude if you would share this with other men. Creating opportunities for men to come together and experience the WILD together is something I take a great sense of pride in…I pray this memo impacts lives across the globe.P.P.S. If this is your first time here, you can subscribe here. Let’s grow into the type of men that leave a wake of impact on every person we get to serve!